Hiraeth

 

 

WhatsApp Image 2019-05-17 at 8.37.11 PM

 

“It’s raining” her phone lit up with a text
She looked at her watch. It was almost time for her to leave. Finished the sentence she was writing and shut her laptop.
Walked out into the usual commotion at the work place. People having conversations that she on another day would be very interested in. But today she had a flight to catch.
As she walked passed her associate after saying a quick bye who smiled at what she saw.
Black shirt, blue jeans and black Louboutins striding like they ruled the world. Which  they did!
“You forgot to take your laptop” the associate tried screaming after her.
She shook her head and smiled back faintly.

Sitting on her usual seat on the aircraft amidst the furore, she dug out her earphones to keep the voices from the outside of her head having conversations with the voices inside her head.
“Boarded” she typed on her phone and sent it before getting off data.
Tracing the raindrops on the window, she drifted off away from the chaos into much needed sleep.

She knew she would be awake just before landing. It happened on every single flight she took. Her phone would be turned on the moment they touched down, and she would be back into the tempest of negotiations.
This time was different.
She just got off the aircraft and into the car that was waiting for her, without a word said.
Despite being in love with words she was a big fan of silence. It was arduous to explain. Voices around her only got louder when she wouldn’t respond, tipping the balance in her head.

 The driver opened the umbrella for her as she got off the car. She shook her hand to signal that she didn’t need it. By the time she walked into the gate she was dripping wet and loving it.
She opened the door of the house and shut it behind her. Left her bag right there. The room was lit just enough. She pulled her neatly tucked in shirt out of her jeans as she climbed the stairs to her room. unbuttoned it all the way through, took it off and left it on the floor next to the bed. She walked towards a tiny door at the farthest end of the room. Took off one shoe after another just before entering it.

He was sitting there with his back to the wall, and legs stretched across, far away from everywhere and everyone they knew, on a tiny terrace which opened to the entire sky. Smoking. He looked at her as she walked towards him. Her hair was falling over her shoulders almost making up for the lack of clothing. She sat down next to him. Her back leaned onto the roughness of the wall. He passed the smoke to her. She took a long drag, let it dissolve the everything she was holding in and then let it out.
He moved his hand behind her hair over the neck. Tilted her head just enough to make her snug. She could taste a familiar feeling in her mouth. She could smell the sense of belonging on him. His hand moved in on her waist like he meant every thing that he wasn’t saying. For a minute, or an eternity there, time stopped.

She breathed again as he pulled away. Opened her eyes to his peering through hers.
“Hi” He said
“Hi” She replied.

 

**Hiraeth
(Noun)
Is a Welsh word that cannot be translated to english. It means longing for something or someone

Always

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“My love for this city reduces every time I have to drive in it” She said as she unlocked the car
“I have to go now, too many things in my hands”
“tell me something new” the voice at the other end of the line smirked
“You might have to begin your start up checklist too, haha”
“hang up” she replied smiling
“later then” and he was gone 

Ruhi opened the rear door and like clockwork put the stuff inside. Everything had a specific place. The laptop bag went on the seat, the lunch basket under it. As she sat on the driver’s seat, her handbag went on the seat beside her, the phone in the exact place it was suppose to be. 

“Okay Nyx, lets go” she said, pulling out of her usual parking spot at the office.
Her beloved car was aptly named after the goddess of the night. Black and strong that she was. 

While crossing the gate, out of sheer muscle memory she dialed a number on her phone. Disconnected. And dialed another.
“You were working late” her favorite voice said
“Good days love” she replied “How did you know I just left work?”
“I know things. Like I also know that before you called me, you called him. And like everyday he didn’t answer ”
“He will call back, he mostly does” she sighed “Now stop getting angry at me and tell me about your day”
“I am not angry at you Ru, I am just reminding you that you are his “mostly”” Her best friend snapped.
“And he is my “always”. I know” Ruhi replied softly
“Fine I will tell you about my day” the other side of the line spoke, breaking the awkward silence
“It was definitely better than this conversation, anyway” 

One of the most important part of her driving checklist on the way home was talking to her girl. It was also a tradition they had followed for a decade. Most of their major life decisions were made while in transit. 

“What’s for dinner?” Ruhi asked as she reverse parked into her garage
“I feel like having something nice” came the reply
“You should type that on your food app and have it delivered” she laughed
“The kind of “something nice” I am looking for, wont be found on a food app” the line thundered with laugher on both sides
“You are incorrigible” Ruhi caught her breath
“My level of weirdness is above national average, I am completely okay with that”
“but incorrigible, my dear girl, is you! I don’t know what you see in him. That guy who doesn’t call you back” she continued “he is the only grey in your black and white life, Ru” “not grey, he is blue!” Ruhi deflected as she kissed her best friend good night and hung up. “I am going upstairs and chatting with you” 

Balancing each bag on its designated shoulder Ruhi opened the door to her house. She loved the place. It smelled of lavender and had big french windows overlooking a park. It had two bed rooms but was mostly inhabited by one person. On occasion it was two. She liked those occasions. “Should order that wind chime” she thought to herself as she opened the windows, placed her keys in the bowl on the table and her bags exactly where they went, everyday. 

“Black and white life, she says” she mumbled, ruminating on the conversation she had just had, walking into her room.
Took her bra off before she even took her shoes off and sat on her bed.
“you are right, my life is black and white” she typed in her most used chat window
“and you would rather have it black and blue!!” replied her best friend complete with a wink emoticon 

She put the phone aside smiling at the thought. 

Standing under the shower, with her eyes closed, she let the warm water wash away her day.
Her life had always been blue. She just hadn’t realized it till a few months ago. All the thinking had begun just after. She was adapting to this new color and its shades while blue was just being blue. She loved how it made her feel on the inside but hated that she had no control over it.
“Stop thinking Ruhi” she said aloud to herself as she wrapped herself in her towel, and looked at herself in the mirror.
The jacket on the bed caught her eye. 

He was sitting on the couch with his back towards her, in the room outside. She could only see his shirt from where she was standing. It was blue!
“Hi” he said as her heard her walk in. Still watching tv.
“Hi” She replied, smiling, happy. 

“Have you ever looked at someone and thought, I am so happy you are in my life”
“They might not even know of your existence then, but in that moment there is something about them that makes you think, I am just so happy you are in my life” Ruhi typed to her best friend 

“I am guessing “Mostly” came around” her phone chimed 

“He will Forever be my Always” was her last message for the night. 

A Shining Instant

ii

 

She didn’t know what she was seeking, didn’t know if she had any questions but the sea was calling and knew she would find some answers..
The waves knew all her secrets, the sand had heard her stories patiently every time she had no one to tell them to.

The beach was sprinkled with smiles, intertwined hands, and promises of eternity..drenched in the golden hue. The sun was kissing the sea good night.
She sat on the sand breathing in the romance.

In the moment best viewed by two, she thought of the one she wanted to be there with. Maybe that was the question which was lashing with the waves.
She filled her lungs with a deep breath of salty air and decided, she didn’t want just anyone there. She wanted someone who would rather be there than anywhere else in the world. Someone who couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but with her.
She knew she deserved her moment in the sunshine

Unbroken 

She had a smile that twinkled at the curve of her lips. A laugh..like when happiness tickled a kid.

The dark of her eyes was sad mostly but sometimes it sparkled. Like she was trying to break away and yet was in love with her shackles.

She was hurt, broken into pieces in parts unknown, yet holding it together like repaired with gold.

He knew she was torn, ruptured, and damaged.. but all he could see was how beautifully she was sewn!

Balance

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There was something about her. Dark mysterious eyes, her fluid white skin, or the way she played with her hair. His demons that used to be balanced with angels were now rebelling, threatening to break lose. They wanted her. He wanted her. Playing with the leather cuff he walked towards her. Allured. Giving in. Tipping the scale.

Release

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Standing in the hot steamy shower. The hot water scalds his grimy soul. Layers. Swirling down the drain. The air. Steamy. Muddled. Each breath searing. Gasping.

His mind.  Chaos. Dark. Full of screams. Cacophony. Pitch getting louder. Rising to a peak. Breaking point. So near. Yet so far.

They needed a release. So did he.