Category Archives: Leaving Contrails

Double Shot

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“One double shot espresso for Tara” said a bland voice from behind the counter. Working on Christmas eve was hard on everyone and it showed.

She fumbled out of her chair, bumping her knee, dropping her phone then picking it up. The scarf carelessly placed around her neck, slipped off. “Not now” She said, picking it up. The rebellious streak of white hair she had captured under a clip took this moment to fall to her face. She pushed it behind her ear firmly.
“This day could use a double shot” she grumbled almost running into someone as she made her way to get her coffee.
She knew what she wanted to write but the words in her head were on a mutiny. This had been a common occurrence for last couple of years. A thick sediment of life laden with grief had slowed her down. She just sat there, staring at the blank screen holding the warm cup in her cold hands.

“Bad night?” A man from the next table asked
“Deadline chasing me” she said not even looking away from the screen of her laptop
“You mean you are chasing a deadline” he said
“yes, that” she said, still uninterested.
“Loosen up a little, Grinch. It’s Christmas after all” the man teased.

She looked up, angry words now queuing up in her head ready to be blasted off in his direction.

Her face went white looking at his face.
“I thought you were dead” she managed to say
“Because I used to say I would die if you left me?” he smiled “Apparently it does work like that!”
“I know it doesn’t work like that” she said, awkwardly.
“But you didn’t know this when you left me” he chuckled, pulling the chair in front of her.
“That was an eternity and a day ago, Sam. I haven’t heard from you in decades.” She was almost apologetic.
“Neither have I” he replied
“I couldn’t. I thought you hated me” she went on
“I did” He said, still stoic
“Did?!” she was a little surprised.
“Of course I hated you Tara, you took my forever from me. After you were gone, I hated everyone and everything and myself for a long time. I spent months going through the may be’s. May be it was my fault, may be it was you, may be we were never meant to be, may be it was God, destiny..I scratched them all off.” he said softly while his eyes screamed “I found no answers, I let it go. I let you go”
She said nothing. She couldn’t.
“I looked you up a few years ago. You know that feeling you get when you touch the scab of an old wound? Dry but alive. That’s how it felt. Looking at you sparkle made me proud, I knew I never hated you, I just hated life without you.” He took a sip out of her coffee
“It’s cold” she signalled at the cup
“Yeah like you are” He tittered “What’s been up with you recently, with this whole brooding, grieving, loner thing? I know life happened. I know its hard, but we got to keep living Timtim, we got to keep loving”
She smiled.
She had hated being called that, but he had done it anyway because he thought was a clever pun but more because it bugged her.
“Why are you here, Sam?”
“I am here because may be it was time for me to reach out..”

“One double shot espresso for Tara” said a bland voice from behind the counter. Working on Christmas morning was hard on everyone and it showed.

“May be what belongs to you, finds a way. May be forever is real. May be..” she typed on her laptop, smiling as she fumbled out of her chair.

The Win

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Wrapped in a white fluffy towel with her hair tied up, fresh out of the shower she was standing in front of her wardrobe, staring at it blankly.
The room was almost dark. The blinds weren’t open yet, it was just about day break.
“This was supposed to be easy” she whispered to herself as she sat down on the bed.
He ran his finger on her back. Tracing the line the an errant water droplet had left.
“The black one” he said “and the black diamond pendant”
It was a perfect choice for the day she had lined up.
“Go back to sleep” she said, kissing him on his cheek.
“What! No payments for the consult?” He was grinning!
“Add it to the IOU account!” She retorted.
“hmph” he replied grumpily
She picked the black dress that hung in the line of power suits and skirts.
“The shoes we picked from that crazy store in Amsterdam” her favorite voice said half asleep from inside the comforter.
Her day needed a dash of black on it. His choice was perfect.

It was a one of the biggest cases of her career. The butterflies in her stomach were a constant reminder of it. She was prepared to fight it and win it but she was as always a little nervous.
Her usual ride to the office was from the back seat, in complete silence. Today she chose to drive herself.
Dismissing the driver, she took over the controls of the car. Searched her playlist patiently to find the song that she needed to hear, increased the volume to louder than the thoughts in her head and hit the gas.

The courtroom seemed colder than usual, also extremely silent.
“I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me” she hummed as she walked towards her team huddled up together.
“How does it look?” she asked the extremely tensed faces.
“We only have closing statements left, it could go either way from there”one of them replied.
“Shouldn’t we have taken the bargain we were getting?” asked a pair of eyes that were holding back more than just pressure.
“There is no bargain on beliefs Missy” She sighed
“The media is going to crucify us, if we don’t make it” another said
“Until we don’t have to die for some else’s sins, I think we will be able to take it” She said as she stood up.
The phone on her table silently flashed a “All the best love”

The court was in session.

“Is the prosecution ready with their closing statement?” said her favorite voice in the entire world
“Yes Your Honor” she replied looking straight at him
She spoke with words that came right out of her heart. Every sentence carrying its weight. By the end of her statement she saw faces around her change. A whole lot of emotions ran free. A pair of eyes on her team had finally let it go.
“Thank you Counselor” His voice was composed and very calming.
She walked back to her seat.
“Is the defense ready with their closing?” He looked at the other side of the room
The defense attorney went on to make his statements to the judge who was not just listening but seeing through each of them too.
“The defense rests” the gentleman had already made his way back

It was the moment of truth for both the sides as the judge began to speak
“After hearing both the sides of the argument very diligently made by the attorneys, the facts compel me to rule in the favor of the defendant”

There was an uproar of voices in the court. The defense was celebrating. Her team was shattered. They had lost.
There was complete silence in her head, she could only hear what his eyes where telling her while not saying a word. He stood up, the courtroom stood up for him and he was gone.

“Chin up guys” she said to her people who were still in disbelief “we know we did our best”
“The media is at the front, would you want to leave discreetly?” her associate asked
“We went to war for something we believed in. We lost. The scars that come from the battleground are not to be ashamed of” she replied
“There is no compulsion for anyone of you to walk with me” she meant every word she said

She walked out to a frenzy of cameras and microphones. Everyone on her team behind her.

The reporters were brutal with their questions. She replied to each of them with a stoic face and a modulated voice. Her demeanor was ice cold.
The questions kept getting nastier in search of a reaction, the reporters were getting frustrated. That only got her more in control of the situation. She wasn’t going to lose this one.
“How does it feel to have Justice Singh rule against you?” one asked
“He did his job well, as I did mine” she responded
“Did he not help with your case?” another one asked
“I did not need help” She replied
“Clearly you did! I mean what’s the point of being with a Judge then?”
“Sir, I wear heels higher than your standards of life” was the last thing she said to them

The team decided they needed to drown the day in cheap alcohol. Her associate asked her if she would want to join them at a dingy watering hole in downtown. She agreed.
“I don’t think they will have premium alcohol you drink” he smirked
“Today deserves cheap rum” she said “I will meet you there”
She walked towards her car, dragging her feet. The heels that had made her feel like she ruled the world were now feeling like shackles. The idea of driving didn’t seem very appealing at that time.
As she opened the lock of her car, her driver walked up to her. Almost mechanically she gave him the keys and settled on the back seat.
“Aap yahan kya kar rahe hain, maine to nahi bulaya tha na?” she asked him how he was there
“Sir ne phone kiya tha ma’am, bole zaroorat padegi aapko meri” he replied
She smiled for the first time since the day had begun.

Reaching home inebriated wasn’t something she had done in a long time, but the copious amount of rum had made sure it had happened.
She fumbled with her bag, to find her keys. Standing outside the door in dim light she saw her name written on the name plate. Just below her’s was his name. “Justice Singh”
The house smelt like someone who knew how to cook was at it. She saw him as she climbed up the stairs, as he saw her.
He walked up to her, took her bag off her arm, held her head and pulled it into his chest.
The ice cold prosecutor who had faced the world with composure just melted.
“Did you cook?” she asked face still buried deep into him
“I did!” he replied holding on to her
“Did you not need to be at the office?” she asked, still not letting go
“I needed to be here more than anywhere else” he tucked her hair behind her ear.
“I lost” her voice was heavy “I am disappointed in myself”
“You did good, Love. It was just a bad day at work. Or a bad judge may be?” he chuckled
“Hey! I love that judge” she wiped her tears, still holding on to him
“And said judge loves you back” he hugged her a little harder
“I am wasted” she said sniffling
“As is my white shirt with all the kohl marks you are leaving on it” he smirked, distracting her
“Will get you a new one” she said moving away “Or you could just add it to consultancy charge from the morning!”
“Did we make the news?” her sentences were taking time to form
“You made the headlines counsellor” he replied “As did your heels”
“The ones we got from that crazy store in Amsterdam” she laughed
She took off her shoes, stood on her tip toes and kissed him.
“I am glad you chose them” she said “And I am glad you chose me”
“I will choose you over and over and all over again, every day” He hugged her
His choice was perfect. He was perfect!

The Red Thread

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She walked into the airport much before she was needed to.
It was an ordinary day. The world was in busy keeping it like that, because out of the ordinary scared the world.
She blended into the normal perfectly that day. Grey shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers. The only thing that stood out were her shades. She was the only one wearing them. It was not the kind of day that needed shades.

She walked up to the gate, dragging her bag like it was taking everything she had, showed her ID at the gate and started to move along when a stern looking guard stopped her.
He gestured for her to take her shades off, he needed to see her face to make sure she was the same person from the card.
She did.
His face softened a little, like he almost smiled. He gestured her to go on. She smiled back, as she walked away, putting the shades where they were. Her bloodshot eyes were still holding back tears.

She walked into the aircraft in some sort of daze, not remembering the rest of the time spent at the airport. All she could remember was the pain. Something deep inside was hurting. Like it was hollow yet overflowing with excruciating agony.

She had the window seat.

“Are you alright miss?” the cabin crew asked her after the plane had settled on the cruise altitude
“I will be” she replied.

She knew she had to be alright. She needed to do something about it, in that moment she needed to stop feeling. She took out her laptop and started typing.

I am told that time heals everything and that I won’t feel like this forever.
What I am not told, is what do I do with myself right now.
I cannot stop crying, right now. I cannot let go, right now. I cannot think of existing like for a moment more, right now.
I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now.

She looked outside the window, wiping the tears, rolling down from her now sore eyes.

Before I met him, I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason. His hands were the only ones mine fit perfectly into. His voice was the only sound I fell asleep to. He was the only one I thought of when my favorite song played. He was the one i was bound to by the invisible cord that tied soulmates together.
He was my red thread.
And I snapped it.

I snapped the red thread and let him go, because real life has a cost.
Where none of us won, and both of us lost.

Mon Endroit Préféré

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Romantic-Couple-Hugging-Drawings-and-Sketches-38

 

Landing on the airport of the city he called home felt different. It had only been a couple of months since he had last been here but it felt like forever. It was raining in this part of the world, in stark contrast to the dry brazen country he was coming from. Cleaning up the mess that civilization was leaving behind was his job. The power to recreate came with a whole lot of travel to inhabitable places.

He couldn’t wait to get home.

Waiting for his bags to come he caught the eye of a lady who had been sneakily staring for a while. He smiled. Shook his head as she walked up to him. He knew what was coming

“Arn’t you that writer Naina’s muse?” she chirped

“Boyfriend” He managed.

No matter what he did to save the world, he would always be known as  “That guy she writes about” he thought and smiled at how much he enjoyed it.

“Oh I knew it. Have seen you in the pictures and read all about you in her stories .You are so handsome, no doubt but she writes so well. Will you tell Naina, I loved her last story about Longing and Belonging. I am sure you loved it too!” She wouldn’t stop
“I haven’t read it” he interrupted
She gave him a very disapproving look.
“When a writer falls in love with you, you become immortal” the lady sighed “that’s what she wrote about you”

He smiled. Picked his bag and walked out.

“I just got to know I am immortal” he typed into a window named Chashmish
“Don’t tell me you read it” She replied
“I read the first one you wrote” He said
“That was five years ago M” She went on
“But I did, didn’t I?!” he defended
“I missed you” came the reply
“I missed u too” he said
“There is a world of a difference between “missed you” and “missed u”” she sent with an emoticon that stuck its tongue out
“You can tell me all about it when my tongue is in that smart mouth of yours” he replied
“Drive safe” ended the conversation

He could see his driver standing alert in all his whites and behind him the love of his life. A black beast.
The driver saluted, handed him the keys and left.
“Shadow my love” he said as he fastened the seat belt and started the ignition “We meet again”
“Welcome back Mr. M” the AI of the car replied “Do I set the co ordinates of the destination on the GPS?”
“I know my way home” he smiled

Driving on the dark winding roads as he left the concrete behind was therapeutic. The rain was cleansing his soul of everything the world had left on him.

It was well into the dark of the night as he pulled up into the parking of the house, far away from the city, in the middle of nowhere. A warm glow from the windows reflected on the wet walk way. He opened the door with his keys, stepped inside. He could smell her perfume in the air he breathed. And then he saw her.

She was sitting with her legs folded on a chair, peering into her laptop on the desk, writing with earphones in her ears. Her hair was rolled up, with a pencil in it. She was wearing just a white shirt. HIS white shirt

He walked up to her and pulled the pencil out of the bun. Her hair fell to her shoulders as she turned around standing up, looking straight into the eyes that were burning through her. He tucked her hair behind her ear, held the collar, kissed her neck and whispered “Mine”
“Talking about the shirt” he giggled as she stood there frozen
“You are such a ruiner M, you kill all my moments” she grumbled and moved away
“You ARE all my moments baby girl” he smiled
“Come here” he pulled her in.

Taking a long look at her he knew he was back into his happy place. While he saved the world, she would save him.

Hiraeth

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“It’s raining” her phone lit up with a text
She looked at her watch. It was almost time for her to leave. Finished the sentence she was writing and shut her laptop.
Walked out into the usual commotion at the work place. People having conversations that she on another day would be very interested in. But today she had a flight to catch.
As she walked passed her associate after saying a quick bye who smiled at what she saw.
Black shirt, blue jeans and black Louboutins striding like they ruled the world. Which  they did!
“You forgot to take your laptop” the associate tried screaming after her.
She shook her head and smiled back faintly.

Sitting on her usual seat on the aircraft amidst the furore, she dug out her earphones to keep the voices from the outside of her head having conversations with the voices inside her head.
“Boarded” she typed on her phone and sent it before getting off data.
Tracing the raindrops on the window, she drifted off away from the chaos into much needed sleep.

She knew she would be awake just before landing. It happened on every single flight she took. Her phone would be turned on the moment they touched down, and she would be back into the tempest of negotiations.
This time was different.
She just got off the aircraft and into the car that was waiting for her, without a word said.
Despite being in love with words she was a big fan of silence. It was arduous to explain. Voices around her only got louder when she wouldn’t respond, tipping the balance in her head.

 The driver opened the umbrella for her as she got off the car. She shook her hand to signal that she didn’t need it. By the time she walked into the gate she was dripping wet and loving it.
She opened the door of the house and shut it behind her. Left her bag right there. The room was lit just enough. She pulled her neatly tucked in shirt out of her jeans as she climbed the stairs to her room. unbuttoned it all the way through, took it off and left it on the floor next to the bed. She walked towards a tiny door at the farthest end of the room. Took off one shoe after another just before entering it.

He was sitting there with his back to the wall, and legs stretched across, far away from everywhere and everyone they knew, on a tiny terrace which opened to the entire sky. Smoking. He looked at her as she walked towards him. Her hair was falling over her shoulders almost making up for the lack of clothing. She sat down next to him. Her back leaned onto the roughness of the wall. He passed the smoke to her. She took a long drag, let it dissolve the everything she was holding in and then let it out.
He moved his hand behind her hair over the neck. Tilted her head just enough to make her snug. She could taste a familiar feeling in her mouth. She could smell the sense of belonging on him. His hand moved in on her waist like he meant every thing that he wasn’t saying. For a minute, or an eternity there, time stopped.

She breathed again as he pulled away. Opened her eyes to his peering through hers.
“Hi” He said
“Hi” She replied.

 

**Hiraeth
(Noun)
Is a Welsh word that cannot be translated to english. It means longing for something or someone

Always

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“My love for this city reduces every time I have to drive in it” She said as she unlocked the car
“I have to go now, too many things in my hands”
“tell me something new” the voice at the other end of the line smirked
“You might have to begin your start up checklist too, haha”
“hang up” she replied smiling
“later then” and he was gone 

Ruhi opened the rear door and like clockwork put the stuff inside. Everything had a specific place. The laptop bag went on the seat, the lunch basket under it. As she sat on the driver’s seat, her handbag went on the seat beside her, the phone in the exact place it was suppose to be. 

“Okay Nyx, lets go” she said, pulling out of her usual parking spot at the office.
Her beloved car was aptly named after the goddess of the night. Black and strong that she was. 

While crossing the gate, out of sheer muscle memory she dialed a number on her phone. Disconnected. And dialed another.
“You were working late” her favorite voice said
“Good days love” she replied “How did you know I just left work?”
“I know things. Like I also know that before you called me, you called him. And like everyday he didn’t answer ”
“He will call back, he mostly does” she sighed “Now stop getting angry at me and tell me about your day”
“I am not angry at you Ru, I am just reminding you that you are his “mostly”” Her best friend snapped.
“And he is my “always”. I know” Ruhi replied softly
“Fine I will tell you about my day” the other side of the line spoke, breaking the awkward silence
“It was definitely better than this conversation, anyway” 

One of the most important part of her driving checklist on the way home was talking to her girl. It was also a tradition they had followed for a decade. Most of their major life decisions were made while in transit. 

“What’s for dinner?” Ruhi asked as she reverse parked into her garage
“I feel like having something nice” came the reply
“You should type that on your food app and have it delivered” she laughed
“The kind of “something nice” I am looking for, wont be found on a food app” the line thundered with laugher on both sides
“You are incorrigible” Ruhi caught her breath
“My level of weirdness is above national average, I am completely okay with that”
“but incorrigible, my dear girl, is you! I don’t know what you see in him. That guy who doesn’t call you back” she continued “he is the only grey in your black and white life, Ru” “not grey, he is blue!” Ruhi deflected as she kissed her best friend good night and hung up. “I am going upstairs and chatting with you” 

Balancing each bag on its designated shoulder Ruhi opened the door to her house. She loved the place. It smelled of lavender and had big french windows overlooking a park. It had two bed rooms but was mostly inhabited by one person. On occasion it was two. She liked those occasions. “Should order that wind chime” she thought to herself as she opened the windows, placed her keys in the bowl on the table and her bags exactly where they went, everyday. 

“Black and white life, she says” she mumbled, ruminating on the conversation she had just had, walking into her room.
Took her bra off before she even took her shoes off and sat on her bed.
“you are right, my life is black and white” she typed in her most used chat window
“and you would rather have it black and blue!!” replied her best friend complete with a wink emoticon 

She put the phone aside smiling at the thought. 

Standing under the shower, with her eyes closed, she let the warm water wash away her day.
Her life had always been blue. She just hadn’t realized it till a few months ago. All the thinking had begun just after. She was adapting to this new color and its shades while blue was just being blue. She loved how it made her feel on the inside but hated that she had no control over it.
“Stop thinking Ruhi” she said aloud to herself as she wrapped herself in her towel, and looked at herself in the mirror.
The jacket on the bed caught her eye. 

He was sitting on the couch with his back towards her, in the room outside. She could only see his shirt from where she was standing. It was blue!
“Hi” he said as her heard her walk in. Still watching tv.
“Hi” She replied, smiling, happy. 

“Have you ever looked at someone and thought, I am so happy you are in my life”
“They might not even know of your existence then, but in that moment there is something about them that makes you think, I am just so happy you are in my life” Ruhi typed to her best friend 

“I am guessing “Mostly” came around” her phone chimed 

“He will Forever be my Always” was her last message for the night. 

Unabashed

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 His car screeched on to a halt right in front of the crowd that had gathered along with their cameras. The shutterbugs went crazy clicking even when all they got was the black of his tinted windows.
He was used to the limelight. It had followed him around for a few years now. He had learned that becoming a somebody came with a lot of flash light in the eyes. That was one reason why the “new brute on the list of youngest millionaires” was rarely seen without without his black aviators. They were like his mask that helped him see through the world and stopped the world from seeing through him. He had moved up on the corporate ladder faster than anyone else, using any and all means possible. His latest acquisition had created a lot of stir. No one knew how he had done it but he had made the owner of a chain of restaurants sell a very successful business to him.  That and a very public confession of love and a  proposal of  marriage from a starlet had the media in a tizzy.
Pearl saw Zeke get out of the car and push his way through the crowd, from her cabin at the hospital. The voices from behind the cameras were speaking all at once. “can you tell us what you have decided about Ms. Smith’s proposal?” said one. “Zeke have you made up your mind about getting married to Daisy Smith?” said another. ” When do we expect an invite to the wedding?” said the third. Zeke did not bother answering any one of them. He just walked with his signature smile plastered on his face.
“I am here to see Dr. Pearl” he said to the girl behind the desk, taking his shades off.
She met his eyes and lost her voice. They were the color of honey, it sent a warm feeling drizzling through her. She barely managed to point in the direction he was supposed to go in. He smiled and walked away, leaving her managing an uneven breath.
Pearl wanted to see him and didn’t want to at the same time. It had been years since they had had a conversation, barring an exchange of a few texts.
He knocked at the door that had “Dr. Pearl Charles, Head of Neurosurgery” written on it. He was so proud of what she had grown to become, all by herself. He had offered to help her out, by getting some things done his way, but she had be adamant on doing only the right things.
“Come in” he heard her say
“Good afternoon, Dr. P! I am your three o clock” He said as he entered.
“Hi Zeke” she said standing up
He hugged her tightly, locking his arms around her. She took a second before giving in completely and melting into them.
“I missed you” He whispered into her ears.
She moved away abruptly and walked back to her chair. It had been a while since she had heard that voice, saying those words.
“How have you been?” she asked
“Haven’t you been reading the tabloids?” he smirked
“I have, that is why I am asking” she said sternly, avoiding eye contact
“look at me when you talk to me P” he said
She raised her eyes and looked at him. He couldn’t help but smile.
“tell me” she said
“She asked me to marry her” Zeke said softly
“I read” she replied
“I do not know what to say to her” he went on
She held his gaze but did not reply.
“What do you think I should?” he said
“I don’t know Zeke, its for you to decide, not me” she said looking into her phone
“would I be sitting here if it were that easy?” he said
“I don’t see the problem” she was now miffed
“The problem Dear doctor, is that I have been fighting to be who I am all my life, What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for” he said stubbornly
“From where I see it, the problem seems to be that you are winning the fight but losing your self” she finally looked back into his eyes.
They were earnest as they always were, staring at her as if they knew what they wanted. She missed the glint of innocence she was so used to seeing in them. She saw love, like she had always seen but chose to ignore it.
“I will never be able to love anyone else, you know that, don’t you?” he said, the first sign of frustration showing on his perfect face. “Come with me, I promise it will be worth it” he continued
“You are a dangerous man Zeke, cause you almost make me believe in the impossible” Pearl said. “You know I wont be a part of the world that you have created for yourself. You always knew this, and still chose it”
“I understand all what you have said, but what I fail to understand is that how can you fall out of love, just like that” he said
“I love you Zeke, but I love myself more” she replied staring right at his soul.
He got up and left.
The crowd that was waiting for him went crazy. The cameras went to work again, followed by the questions. “Zeke please tell us if you are marrying Daisy?”, “When is the d-day?” “when will you announce the wedding date?” He stopped walking, looked at the window where a pretty girl in a lab coat and blue jeans stood and looked at him.
“I cannot marry Daisy” he said firmly
” I love someone truly, madly and ridiculously, the only way I know how to love. She runs through my veins with blood, I do not think I will be able to love anyone like that ever again. She owns my heart, I am happy to be owned. So ladies and gentlemen I am taken” he said unabashedly and walked away.

Of Longing and Belonging

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She sat at the centre of the table surrounded by suits. The black, blues and greys waiting patiently for her approval. A peculiar shade of brown was making a presentation. “This day could use a drink” Leah thought as she flipped through the papers on the table. It was her sixth meeting for the day, and she had already made up her mind. The room fell silent as she rose to speak.
“Gentlemen” she said, standing tall and pretty. “the contract is yours, I shall be seeing you at the welcome dinner of the tallest building on skyline of our city,  exactly a year from now”
“But ma’am” said the presenter “one year would be cutting it too thin”
“Then stop wasting time and get started” she said, picking up the papers.
All eyes were on her even when the men spoke among themselves
“You guys have a nice evening” She said as she walked out of the door.

She got into her car and typed a text to a pre set list of people. “One hour, the usual place” it read. By the time she drove out of the parking, she had five confirmation messages on her phone.
Leah drove through the city listening to music for about an hour. “The Usual Place” was where she mostly went to get a drink with friends. She pulled in, in front of the gate and handed the car to a brightly smiling valet.
“Good evening madam” he said”Good evening John” she said “Have the others come?”
“No madam”
She smiled at him and walked in a familiar looking place. It was mostly dark with dim lights breaking through evenly. Soft music played contently in the back ground. She was directed to her favourite corner by the manager. She walked through acknowledging every smile with a nod. The corner was at the farthest end of the joint. It had a complete view of the place. Leah sat on the darkest side of the high table. She could see a lot of new faces around. Fridays had the pub hopping crowd making rounds of the place. She checked her phone for updates from the people she was waiting for. “Trafucked” was emotion shared by all of them. She knew she would have to wait alone for a while so she signalled the waiter.
“Rum and coke, madam?” he said with a bright all knowing smile
“No Jo, I shall have a Cherry Martini today” she replied. He noted it in his pad and walked away.
She was celebrating the beginning of new project. Her drink was brought to her within minutes. The first sip sent a warm feeling through her. She smiled to herself, set her glass down and began what she loved to do. Watch people. She loved reading gestures and expressions. She had read and researched it extensively, which made her good at it. It had also helped her in not giving away her emotions unless necessary.

On the table across her sat a couple having an animated conversation. The girl touched the man’s arm lovingly while trying to explain something to him. Leah couldn’t hear them but from the gestures she knew that the girl would succeed in whatever she was trying.
Her gaze moved to two people walking to their table. The man had his hand on the small of the lady’s back. She moved her hand on the rim of the glass as her eyes followed them. The man was almost showing off his girl. The girl moved along as if she belonged to him.
She liked what she saw but the feeling going through her were confusing. Everyone around belonged somewhere and to someone. But Leah didn’t belong anywhere and she never really belonged to anyone. People thought she was too wonderful, too wonderful to belong to them or that something too wonderful would hurt too much to lose.
She took a big sip of her drink still lost in thought. She was a dream chaser, she chased them one at a time and transformed them into reality. She had travelled around the world doing it, so the word home did not have a permanent address for her. Her friends said she was like water, she took the shape of the glass she was poured in and fit right in. Her thoughts were interrupted by someone pulling the chair next to her.
“Crazy traffic hour” the girl said signalling the waiter, who walked to them in reflex. “Get me a long island please” she continued
“Its nice to see you Kay” Leah said shaking her head “Bad day at work?”
“Isn’t that like everyday” she replied “Unless its your work, what are we celebrating?” she asked signalling to Leah’s drink
“The beginning of Orion” Leah answered
“Orion! the tallest building in the city, with a revolving restaurant on the top,  congratulations! ” Kay smiled “I could drink to that” She raised the glass the waiter placed on the table.
They clinked glasses
“Tell me what you were thinking about when I walked in” she tapped Leah’s hand “Your observations are always fun”
Leah moved her eyes in the direction of the couple she was observing.
“I was thinking of longing and belonging” she said “Of how someone who has everything, would still yearn for just a feeling, and how it..” she stopped talking as she noticed Sam approach.
She shifted in her chair a little. She liked him and knew that he liked her back. Both of them had decided on being with each other without any commitments. It worked well for them. Both of them had jobs that took most of their time and attention, leaving little to spare for any kind of relationships. Leah loved the arrangement as much as Sam did. There were times when she missed having something more but she simple chose to ignore the feeling. There were times when the feeling was stubborn, those times, like today she just hid them behind a mask
Sam kissed her cheek and hugged Kay.
“Congratulations on the Orion babe, you make us so proud” he said holding her hand
“Thank you” she replied, wishing just a little that there was a ‘me’ instead of an ‘us’ in the statement
She felt his hand move away from hers casually as it was placed upon, as he took the chair opposite her.
“So what did I miss?” He said
“Leah was just telling me about belonging” Kay said stuffing food her in her mouth and pointing the fork the direction of the couple.
Sam looked over and saw a girl rest her head on the shoulders of the man sitting next to her.
“Belonging” He said, weighing his words “makes us vulnerable, I think”
He looked at Leah as he spoke.
“What do you say princess Leah?” he asked
Leah finished her drink, and bit on the drunk cherry.
“We all long to belong, But maybe some of us aren’t meant to belong. Some of us have to turn the world upside down and shake the hell out of it until we make our own place in it.” She said from behind her ice cold mask.

An Alluring Reverie

Posted in Leaving Contrails by

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Pakhi parked the car at her usual spot. She had reached work earlier than usual. The elevator ride to the top floor took about a minute. People suddenly became aware of her passing through the aisles as she walked to her cabin. She was wearing a crisp black suit and a white shirt, her hair was pulled all the way back and tied high. Smiles and morning wishes made rounds. Her assistant fumbled with the papers in her hand as she spotted her. “Good morning Ms. Singh” she said “your coffee will be ready in a minute”
She tapped her shoulders and smiled.
Her cabin was designed by her best friend. It was made perfectly to her taste. A window that overlooked the city, an antique mahogany desk on which sat her modern gadgets, glass shelves lined with books and a leather couch. All the time she wasn’t travelling for work, she spent in her cabin.
She sat on chair looking out of the window, waiting for her coffee. The sky was glowing amber. It was an early onset of summer. She had missed her city. The last couple of months had been gruelling with meeting and events around the world. She was still jet lagged from the long flight that got her home last night.
A blinking red light on her phone caught her attention. It was a text from Zeb.
“Happy birthday Grampa” it read. She smiled as she replied back to her best friend with the same words.
She looked at the picture placed on side of her table. It was of an old man with silver hair, and two girls in summer dresses kissing his cheeks. The picture was taken on one of his birthdays. The girls travelled to his house in the hills every year so they could be with him on that day. She held the picture tightly as she thought of the house they spent their summers in. It was old as it was large. It looked like a Swiss chalet hidden in trees. The meadow at the back of it, was where they had spent endless afternoons chasing butterflies and listening to wind blowing through the grass. It was also where the old dog Mr.Rumpelstiltskin would chase them all day, then they would lie on the terrace all night making up shapes of the stars and share alien stories.
She sighed as she drifted back to the days she missed the most. Somewhere in between listening to Grampa’s stories and reading to him they had grown up. Mr. Rumpelstiltskin was buried in the meadow after a service they had held for him. The late night stargazing sessions ended in discussing crushes and romances. One summer after college Zeb had re decorated the house with Grampa’s help. The project had helped her get into one of the top design institute of the world. It had made him so proud. Pakhi remembered sitting on the ledge of the window that faced the forest in the front of the house. That was where she had written her first book. She was now a famous author and head of a department at a leading publication houses. Both the girls were living the dreams they had shared sitting over branches in the woods. The chase had taken them away from the place it all began. Pakhi missed the carefree days spent there, of reading in the shade while they wind played with her hair. She craved the sunshine that filtered through her straw hat on to her face.
Her reverie was interrupted by the knock on the door. Her assistant ushered herself in with coffee in one hand and her schedule for the day in the other. She looked surprised as she saw her boss packing up.
“Please push forward all my meetings to after the weekend” She said as she walked out of the cabin, smiling. By the time she reached the elevator she had typed a message to Zeb “Picking you up in 30” it said.
Even though the house was just a couple of hours away from the city, the girls hadn’t been there since Grampa had passed away. After what seemed like forever they stood there, looking at it glow on a hot summer afternoon, more alluring than it ever was. They took off their heels and walked bare feet onto the grass that lead to the back of the house. The branch they sat on and made plans of the future, stood exactly where it was. They sat on it reminiscing the times that made them what they are. Pakhi let her hair fall to her back as she shut her eyes, soaking it all in. She felt a tickle in her ear which made her open her eyes in a hurry. Zeb was holding a blade of grass in her hand and grinning.
“Dear Ms. Bestseller, heres to inform you that the last one to reach the house makes dinner” She said and started running towards the house. Pakhi smiled as she began chasing her.
They were finally home.

Pretty Little Secret

Posted in Leaving Contrails by

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His favourite mornings began with a message from her. Even the harmless “good morning” jump started his day with a smile. On days she didn’t message, everything seemed wrong with the world.  He had known her for a short while but it seemed like an eternity. They had become good friends over a period of time. He watched her work her way through the day, hiding is stares between causal conversations. He hoped his eyes didn’t betray him and give away what he had been hiding.
He saw her through the window. She was impatiently looking into her phone. She was waiting for him. All he wanted to do was sweep her off her feet and take her in his arms. Instead he stood at a distance, watching her. Stealing a moment as he filled his eyes with images of her.
He wished he could tuck the errant strand of hair that kept troubling her. He wished he could freeze the smile that curved on her lips. He wished he could kiss her forehead, and wipe all her worries away. He wished to be the reason of her happiness. He wished he could tell her what she meant to him.
He sighed as he walked up to her.
She smiled as she saw him, his heart skipped a beat. She was complaining about him being late, but he couldn’t take his off her earring that kept kissing her cheek. He cleared his throat and apologised. She kept talking, telling him everything that happened along with everything that could have happened, questioning him with her big eyes when he didn’t respond. He shook his head and replied to her. The sun kept crawling to meet the western horizon as their chats went on, then it was the the time of the day he hated the most. Time for her to go back into her world, and for him to come back into his.
They would spend the whole day talking yet he would miss her when she was gone. He would look at her pictures when she wasn’t there, making him feel her presence around him. He would replay the stories she would tell him, imagining himself with her in them. He would wait all night for it to be morning, just so he could see her again. She was the last thought in his mind before he slept and the first after he woke up. He wondered if she thought of him sometimes the way he thought of her. He wondered is she would let him do, all that he wanted to.
She was pretty and she was smart, she was perfect like a piece of art. She was everything a girl should be. The only thing she wasn’t was that, she wasn’t his.
“Why am I afraid to lose you, when you aren’t even mine” he thought aloud.
The thought troubled him for a bit, but he pushed it away. He didn’t care who she belonged to, cause no one could take her thoughts away from him.
She was and would always be his pretty little secret.